Tails & Tales | A Day In The Life Of A Mermaid
For weeks I’ve been trying to figure out how I will make that transition from college blog to mission blog to everything in between blog. You say you enjoy reading my entries, but finding a subject matter to write about is a bit harder when you don’t spend all day talking with strangers in a far far away land. Then it hit me: I like to write stories. Everyone has a story. I doubt I’ve ever told you about the time I burned my house down, or when I was asked to be a child calender model. Although I have plenty of stories to fill a blog with, I thought that might be a little shellfish. (first of many mermaid puns! dolphinitily prepare yourself.) I want to hear your stories, your adventures, and your dreams.
Who better to first interview than my mermaid friends? It doesn’t get more fintastic than that. (seriously, start a mermaid pun tally…or should I say tailly?) I met the glamorous mermaids at a less glamorous indoor rec center to begin my submersion *knee slapper* into the Merworld. Merqueen Lei Loni, company flounder, wore a lovely fabric tail with her trusty sidekick Nicky; rockin’ The Beast. He is the most expensive tail they have and is made entirely out of silicone. The Beast weighs 40 lbs (hence the name) and is ideal for ocean and free diving situations. Tails like The Beast can cost anywhere from 1,000 to 5,000 dollars; making mermaid-ing a pricey hobby for your average Joe.
Lei Loni was nice enough to let me wear a fabric tail during my mermaid transformation. She taught me that the easiest way to go from feet to fins, is to rub conditioner on your legs. I can honestly say I looked nothing less than awkward as I tried to squeeze into my tail;conditioner or not. Your feet are bound together at the bottom in a uni-flipper. I thought I would look graceful gliding through the water in my royal purple gettup; but alas, I looked more like a fish caught in the net just trying to move any which way. I just count my blessings that I wasn’t wearing The Beast; I probably would’ve drowned just for the halibut.
Lei Loni knows a tad about drowning. Shortly after she pearlchased her first tail (an event not be missed in the Merworld), she went out to California with her sister. They were taking photos in the ocean during *drum roll please* riptide season! Soon enough the water went from one foot deep to four, and the drag on the tail began taking her back to sea. Lei Loni attempted to take off her tail, but she refused to let go. The water stretched it out longer and loooooonger as she rushed to plant her human feet in the sand below. The waves crashed over her as she struggled to survive, but she did in fact make it out alive with a tail (and tale) in hand.
“I googled ‘Mermaid drowning at Laguna Beach’ but nothing came up.” Lei Loni confessed “Which is too bad, it would’ve gone viral!” I pressed Lei Loni for more cod-fessions as we swam. “How does my make up stay on? Well we use oil based products and a lot of sealing spray. And for the gems we use super glue. I probably wouldn’t recommend that because I’m not sure how smart it is to superglue gems to your face. They stay on for a few days. I will be going to work like this tomorrow.”
Now hold up. You’re probably thinking “that’s not so bad if she goes to work with gems on her face, she’s a professional mermaid.” Although Lei Loni’s business is the oldest mermaid factory in Utah, it’s certainly not her only job. This Merqueen doubles as an adviser for troubled teens. Nicky is not only a mermaid, but also works at the hospital and is studying sculpture. Maybe one day she’ll become the next Fishelangelo. (Too far? Yea that was too far. I’ll stop there.) Showing up to work with gems stuck on their faces, might not be totally normal, but it sure helps them get publicity. The Mermaids of The Great Salt Lake have a full summer schedule making guest appearances at birthdays, fairs, luaus, and B’nai mitzvah. (Okay so they actually haven’t attended a bar mitzvah yet, but I would totally hire them if I was a 13 year old Jewish boy.)
To my surprise, they don’t have a monopoly on the mermaid business in Utah. Mermaids have been known to swim over to other companies making a potential riptide in the Merworld. This plus-size pod of mermaids aims to “prove that no shape or size determines your dreams and real magic still exists!” Can I get an AMEN?!
We may have gotten quite a few strange looks from the high school swim team practicing next to us; but who doesn’t do a double take the first time they see a mermaid? I certainly had the time of my life attempting to swim with them. Hopefully next time I can get my hands on and underwater camera! For now, enjoy a few pictures and check out their website by clicking H E R E.
Message me if you or someone you know has a story to tail….er tell. That was not on porpoise.